As I turned my head to look at the 11,000 people standing behind me on the morning of the BMO Vancouver Half Marathon, I felt the hairs on my arms spike up from the goosebumps that protruded my chilled body as the nerves collected themselves in my stomach. I took a few deep breaths to focus my energy and prepare myself for the 21.1km I was about to run, while secretly giving myself a big hug to reiterate to myself how proud I am to be standing on this start line, with some of Canada’s top runners, where I, too, was in the elite field - for my first time ever.

After running a sub-3:00 marathon last year, I unlocked some incredible self-confidence in myself towards my athletic goals, and I unlocked some opportunities to compete in the elite field in select races. Realizing that I barely hit the time standards for the elite field in the BMO Vancouver Marathon, I sent an application out and crossed my fingers. 

While I told myself I wouldn’t be disappointed if I didn’t get in, I was really hoping I would and I began training as if I would toe the line in May. I put myself out there and made an ambitious goal of running the half in sub-80, which I began to think I needed to do in order to quantify myself as an elite runner. I put an immense amount of pressure upon myself and was training hard - too hard, as I would later discover, since I caused myself to have a bone stress injury in my lower leg.

Injury aside, I still planned to race, even though the last few weeks of training went pretty much out the window. While I had incredible doubts going into the weekend and felt imposter syndrome the entire time, I am exceptionally grateful for the opportunity and I’m glad I pursued my goal.

The benefits of racing in the elite field are endless: bottle service in the race, starting at the VERY front of the race, having an indoor facility to warm-up and go to the bathroom in before the race starts, private shuttle directly to the race start from the hotel, elite hospitality including meals, and the list goes on. It’s difficult to put into words how grateful I am for this experience and how lucky I felt to be part of this wonderful weekend. 

I didn’t quite hit my goal time of sub-80, but I am incredibly proud of the race I ran, finishing in 1:21:53 and 7th place female overall, and 4th place Canadian female. My result would show that I deserved to be part of the elite field, but I still feel the imposter syndrome and feel like I don’t “look like an elite runner”. It’s a difficult process to force my mind to unravel from my own self-deprecating thoughts, but I know that no matter what I look like or feel like, I will run my heart out, train my ass off, and enjoy every step of the way. It’s all a work in progress.

I look forward to gaining experience as an athlete and pushing beyond my original predetermined potential. Many thanks to the crew at the BMO Vancouver race weekend that made it so memorable and provided me with this incredible opportunity. See you again soon!