The fresh air of the early morning seeps through my nose to soothe the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I tuck behind the 3:00 pace bunny for no more than 30 seconds before finding myself settling ahead of him in a 4:00/km groove. I cautiously look at my watch every few seconds and remind myself of the great distance of the marathon and the paces I’ve trained for, which are slower than what I’m currently running. I flow through the rolling hills of the road, eyeing up the folks around me and try to latch onto some fellas who are steady, smooth, and confident.

Only 10km has passed when I begin to feel the weight of my quads, seizing as if I’ve just passed the 32km marker. I panic briefly before calming my mind, as this is still part of the warm up and my body will settle. I consume my first Spring Energy Applesauce gel around 45 minutes, ensuring to stay on top of fueling and hydration right from the start. Not long after, when I’m expecting to feel my quads settle in and the positive effects of the gel, my stomach begins to churn, suddenly giving my mind a new “problem” to focus on. What quads??

As I carry on, I mentally list out the plausible options for discarding the discomfort built up inside me. The roadside options are limited given the meager flora found in the desert. Aid stations seem to pop up every 2 miles, with every second one having a porta potty. Is it worth it to stop, or will the waves in my stomach magically sort themselves out? At 18km, I conclude that a minute or two lost at a porta potty now will pay off later in the race. A minute and ten seconds is lost, but I feel lighter and refreshed. 

Up ahead, I eye the 3:00 pace bunny, who I begin to target so I still have hope of breaking 3:00. The kilometers tick by smoothly, running slightly faster than my original marathon pace, but I feel like I’ve started a new race since unloading the trash that my stomach decided to carry. 

I cruise past the 3:00 pace bunny and decide to maintain my pace rather than latch onto the group.  After consuming another gel, I begin to feel the unease that I got rid of only moments before. These gels are not for me. I am now in the zone and decide to hold off on another stop for as long as I can, as I don’t think I will be able to make up for another minute lost to the toilet.

I’ve never felt so alive, as I am aware of every single nerve and muscle fibre as I push beyond my own pre-determined physical limits. Every sip of water represents new energy my body has gained, which transforms into cadence and distance; the process is magical. I am focused on my mental stamina, making space for positivity by exhaling out the fears, doubts, and shame. I know that if I keep my mind strong, my legs will follow. I am strong. I am centered. I am capable.

My quads have seized up more, but they carry me through as my mind allows me to stay calm and focus on what I have control over: taking one step after another. My stomach feels uneasy for the rest of the race, but it holds up enough for me to finish in under 3:00.

I’m grateful for my mind allowing my body to explore its limits on this day. While it wasn’t a perfect day out there, I am incredibly proud of my 2:58:46 finish time. I’m glad I took the risk at the start of the race to attempt sub 3:00, because ya never know till ya try.